a letter to heaven

生日快乐小狗! time flies, you've left us for 1 and a half year.. how i wish i can wish you personally in face but it's never possible. my phone no longer receives any spammed calls or text message from you :( happy 24th, miss you so much.

you'll always be remembered.

with truckloads of love. 

the craziest thing you did one fine day, asking me out for breakfast at 5:30AM after drinking because you said you wanted to have your breakfast with my company but i refused. then there you were screaming at the top of your voice over the damn phone, making a din at clarke quay in front of sam insisting to eat with me. an hour after i hang up, you appeared at my doorstep with sam and the first thing you said was "hello! 你讲你懒惰不要出来 ok lor! 不要紧我买早餐上来跟你一起吃. 我还有买给你ahma吃hor!" with a smile, semi drunk. but you got a bad scolding from me instead "cb你来人家的家, 你要带朋友, 你不用先问人啊?!" hahahaha and then both you drunkards made a mess at my place after washing your feet, the both of you just naturally walk to the living room without drying your feet with the floor mat. i remember how furious i was, because 你们的脚ganpua肮脏!! even after washing your feet, the floor is still BLACK. thinking about it makes me feel like laughing now! hahaha. and after you're done eating, you walked into my room and sat on my bed side, needless to say, you got another scolding from me so loudly that woke my granny up :x "你进去人家的房间不用问啊? 谁讲你可以做我的床?! 你出一整天的门, 裤子confirm肮脏lor出去啦!!! :') then you lanlan went to the living room for a stick of cigg before leaving...

so kelian. but seriously you annoyed the hell outta me buey tahan! miss you a lot. and happy birthday once again, i hope you're doing good in that safe place. 放心, 我很好 :D xoxoxoxo

when was the last time i talked about weilun? most likely afew months back on the day i went to pay him a visit if i didn't got it wrong.. but honestly, you can be certain that he crosses my mind on a daily basis even though i don't utter a word about him everyday. like now, all the memories just flashed at the back of my mind.. 

hmm talking about him it's definitely gonna be a lengthy one, like always. so if you are sick of seeing the same old whines, the "x" button is there, top right corner. this is just going to be a very long winded post, because at this time this moment, i am missing my best friend. thinking back, we made too much of a gracious memories that his absence now only constantly makes my heart grows fonder. i always spend a lot of time lying in my bed missing him before i sleep, when i wake, and especially whenever i feel a hasty anonym of despair. the first person that comes to my mind have got to be him, it just comes naturally.. starring into blank, recollecting the good old days spent together (the ones that left a deeper impression to me) his endless nags about how inattentive i am when he's talking. other than the brain that is functioning, i would be stucked dumb starring at the ceiling until i get the achy sourish feeling in the heart then i'll stop to do what i should. 

am now typing this with an intense heartache no doubts it still stings each time i think about him and what would it be like to still have him here with me, offering truthful and valuable advices that i surely miss. still can't seem to really cut down on words till date but of course i too hope i'll always keep all of him and the unforgettable memories with me 10, 20 years down the road and for the rest of my life. i want to tell everyone how amazing he have been, at least to me!

(my first time using kind words on him. lol in the past i would never agree with him that he is actually quite good looking. he was a very 自恋狂! :') so this attractive guy, inside out, was a wonderful friend to me, from supporting me with his truthfulness and his caring nature, advising from his point of views, listening to my endless rants/complains, allowing me to own all his shoulders when my eyes are filled, being there 24/7 for me to share my problems even though he might not do of much help but at least not to make me go through those alone, never gonna forget the impromptu trip to genting when it was mere a casual remark about getting a short getaway, being thoughtful he also included my gf's tix as well... ... ... finally, to waiting till the day i open my heart.. (which he eventually did not made it to) till today, the unimaginable loss of an important friend....

i am always a demanding and difficult friend. when i rant, he must be on all ears. when i am angry, i would vent all my anger at him he even allows me to throw punches if that would make me feel better, when i feel like drinking anytime, he must NOT say no anytime anywhere, and when i'm happy i would then neglect him.. but with a broad heart he forgave, overlooked and accepted my shortcoming. when he's trying to share his problems but i'm forever not listening only doing my stuffs, he knows but he would continue with his piece. :') when i didn't bothered to repy his drunk apps, when i only reply his texts as and when i feel like. when i also use harsh tone/words on him without thinking because i was too mad but he'd stil remand calm quietly till i'm done, when he hopes i would stay a little longer during boozing session but i still left early, when i refused to meet him throwing tantrums like a little girl but he still gives in and be soft. when i was just a very unreasonable friend but he never once judged me. when i didn't appreciate his presence and everything he's willing to do for me, that leads to so much regrets knowing he'll be gone forever, never gonna be there anymore.. and because i didn't thought i would lose him, i took him for granted all the time :'( despite all, he'd still wear a smile on his face everyday trying all ways to lift my spirits up, doing almost anything i asked & didn't asked for. 

i never really had a chance to say all what i've said and thought after he passed on. but i think he have reached a certain understanding when it comes to me. that i did not do it on purpose. that i didnt intentionally ignored him, that i kept a distance because i didn't want him to fall even harder. i suddenly felt so remorseful once again for being selfish but the cruel reality always reminds me it's all too late  

playing for keeps

crazy how life works. the best people get hit with the worst of time. the genuine hearts are the first to be used and taken granted for, and those with sincere intentions get pushed off as too good to be true. we're stuck in a game where "winning" gets you nowhere. we have inconsistent people expecting consistency, liars complaining that nobody is true, and fakes demanding loyalty. everyone's asking for love but only afew are walking in it. for me, the game got old two disappointments ago, and i refused to cheat my future worrying about the things that i can't change from my past. 

so today, in the present i offer three promises. i'll trust you until you show me that i can't. i'll be as consistent as your efforts inspire me to be. and i'll honor your time with the same respect i give my own. no games, no gimmicks, no guile. if you can appreciate this, i can build with you. if not, i have no time for you. i've been through too much "play the same old game" just to keep getting the same draining results. i want more.. and i deserve more! so i'm holding out until i get it. because the next time i play, i'm playing for keeps.

they want you to say what's on your mind but they can't handle it

firstly i would like to congrats the newly weds melvin & nash for finally stepping to a new phase in life by tying the knot :) y'know you're "old" when you're constantly receiving wedding invitations instead of birthday invitations huh?

haven't been very active in my social platforms because i've been spending so much time out with my friends. finally got some personal time spending it how i like. i literally wasted my saturday by sleeping half of it away. decided not to let it go to waste since i'm alone and so during the night was a short boozing session @ club july with my favourite girl yunhan, had our dinner there as well. coincidentally bumped into nicholas & co. as well as joanna egg and elson. jingting & xiaohui joined us not long after and decided they're gonna chat over a bucket of beer when yunhan and i were already done with ours. ended the night quite well :)

ahh hate the lousy resolution 

finally a clear one. at least better than the previous ones.

can never feel any better than waking up to my parcel :) grace met up with me for jap food and afew bottles of beer at yt together with maverick. felt a little tired after drinking and so i decided i should head home for a short nap while waiting for jodi to call knowing she's gonna take some time but was then forced down to yewtee to join the guys for drinking @ 2am when i woke up from my nap! holyshit.. wasn't that bad though as i get to do some catch up with melvin after quite some time, a pity shaun wasn't there..

idky but this song's been stucked in the back of my head since sunday night. 

我们都说过
无论以后怎样都要好好的
不要忘了当初有些天真许下的承诺
当你不开心时 让我为你唱首歌
就算在大的风雨
手拉手一起走过
我们都说过
无论贫穷富有都要好好的
不要忘了当初我们的路是怎样走过

today, i finally show up and made it to the long-planned-but-always-fail (because of my absence) sushi feasting with my dear girls liling and yunhan. it's been a decade since the three of us last gathered. had a lot of inside jokes and definitely a lot of laughters. ha ha remember i wasn't a fan of raw salmon until some day when i was being forced to try one and surprisingly learnt to love and appreciate it gradually. today, the amount of salmon i ordered actually frightens yunhan. muahaha never gonna stop having salmons despite the rumors that says consuming salmons causes the growth of maggots in the brain bullshit. 

always sleeping at 5am in the morning, waking up at 6pm in the evening. and having to deal with this shit seriously sucks big time! seems like there's nothing much i could do about my screwed bodyclock because i've tried so many ways to, but then failed. tried on a different sleeping pill that my doctor prescribed thinking it might help to adjust my sleeping time a little by consuming it at the correct time but it only made me sleep so much more than usual like maybe a 18 hours knock out? and allowing me to have more comfortable sleeps that's all, other than that, it did nothing to solve my problem sigh

twenty percent of the truth is enough to make you cry don't rush to show your teeth too quick

couldn't decide between sleeping or having my supper earlier on which is why i'am here blogging at such early hour. didn't had a proper meal since yesterday because i was so mad i literally starved myself. ok it's stupid to torture myself i know. another reason i was too lazy to pack my own food moreover macdonald's never a choice to me, not at any moment. so sick of fast food already~ so somebody got up early, went to get granny's and my breakfast before heading off. was craving for mee soto ever since i got a taste of how delicious it is but unfortunately it was too early the soup wasn't ready yet. hurhurhur~  

oh yes! almost forgotten, was supposed to meet up with cindy on friday to attend jingjing's wedding dinner but fuck, i expected myself to be skipping it already because i haven't even catch a single wink till noon that day.. facing screwed body clock problem once again. spent the whole week at home only for granny so there's actually nothing to blog about just repeating the routines every single day yup. 

i find it funny as fuck how people try and tell you how you should live YOUR life. like bitch stay in my shadows thank you lol :')

don't rush anything, when the time is right it will happen.

haven't been keeping my space updated for close to a week as i've been catching up with drama 後宫甄嬛传.

friday night spent with jolene, lanying and elaine at july. so good to have my own time, breathes and inhale all the fresh clean air :D finally seperated with fat for while. very not coincidentally saw jeff there with kiwi so we gathered inside as Elaine wanted to sing. chilllllllll

overdues taken over a decade with fat. 

spent the rest of my weekend slogging. i literally slept the whole weekend away. other than bathing & waking up for food, the rest of the time i'm on bed. lazy worms in me lately no idea why. this is why joey claimed I'am born a sloth. lolwtf. what a way to describe :/

i think a lot of people don’t understand what real romance is. anyone can buy flowers and candy and jewelry, there’s no love in that. the truly romantic things in life are those little things you do every day to show you care, and that you’re thinking of them. it’s going out of your way to make them happy. the way you hold her hand when you know she’s scared, or you save the last piece of cake for him. the random text in the middle of the day, just to say “I love you” or “I miss you”. the way he stops to kiss you when he passes by. it’s dedicating her favorite song to her, and letting her eat your fries… and telling her she’s beautiful, even when she’s in her sweats.. with her hair in a ponytail and no makeup. it’s putting your favorite show on pause so she can tell you about her day, and laughing at his joke even the really lame ones. it’s slow dancing in the kitchen and kissing in the rain. romance isn’t about buying, it’s about giving. true romance is in the gestures :) you're a lucky one if you understands the whole article like you've been treated like that. appreciate and be grateful 

Nothing lasts forever, this is all we get, now we’re holding on together, hanging by a thread.

I knew I matured when I realized every situation doesn't need a reaction. Sometimes you just have to leave people to continue to do the lame crap they do. The first thing that comes to my mind is that they have got nothing better to do. Oh well oh well, stalkers gonna stalk, players gonna play, haters gonna hate and fakers gonna fake. Idgaf just gonna continue doing me :) 

People often thinks that somebody's posts are about them. Truth is it probably isn't, but they see themselves in it. Suggestion, don't get upset with the mirror, fix the damn reflection. Ha

So grateful to have friends always there for me no matter what time it is when I need them they'll always be there. So thankful to have a brother like Weilun.w! I was in a foul mood last night and he immediately came to meet up with me after I randomly phoned him at 12midnight asking him for afew bottles. Had a tiff with my bf.

So we spent the night at yewtee food court exchanging thoughts and meanwhile reminiscing the past. How I wish I can turn back time, when we were just 14. Everything and everyone were so simple naive and true. Happiness was as easy as just spending time with friends enjoying what we were all doing. We don't go for brands or fame unlike now, the realistic world that often make us learn the hard way. Jeff initiated to send us back and then memories started flashing again. It can't be helped not like as if I can control my mind neither can he. Haha if I were to continue I guess this post would be a never-ending one. Hurhurrrr~ :) hmmmm. 

Cause this is my space and I got all rights to speak and pour my inner thoughts. I don't like playing games cause I'm not a hideous kinda person. If you dislike it, don't read. You're not oblige to visit my page anyway. But if you're just too interested, feel free to. It's always open to public here :D 

The truth always come to light. We all knows right? 

My all time fav khaki haha